I sat on the front porch of an Adobe home, the color of paprika, sprinkled with sand, trimmed in mocha, sequestered on top of a little hill in the desert and watched the sunrise greet me as thirteen of my sister's friends slept quietly in the house.
That morning, I scheduled a yoga session with massages and facials to follow shortly after. During yoga, I laid on the mat and watched my bones relax as Salila, the yoga instructor, awakened my body and released tears from my heavy eyes. My tense shoulders untangled themselves, my eyes settled into a soft gaze, and my hands fell limp. As the song River by Leon Bridges closed out the session, I walked up to her and thanked her for the release. She held out her hand and said, "My darling, as much as your spirit gives, please don’t be afraid to receive.”
“As much as your spirit gives, don’t be afraid to receive.”
This summer solstice was a season of giving. I sowed into people, showed up for moments that became core memories. I gave freely, willingly, and without the expectation of receiving anything in return.
I danced through the summer, removed myself from my computer, this blog and lived a gentle life seasoned with abundant giving. We exist in the age of selfish living, hyper-productivity, and individualistic mindsets which creates roadblocks that halt us from receiving what our spirit truly needs, which is connection, understanding, evolution, and love.
Giving to Connect
Giving freely creates pathways to connect with people, spirits, places and moments that remind us that we are all more alike than we think. I sat in a Cambodian restaurant in Oakland with my friend Nina from college. We talked about love, fears, tiny moments of upcoming life changes, laughed until our bellies hurt and reminded ourselves of the gratitude of friendship despite the distance. When I think of Nina’s spirit, I am reminded of the first time we met in Peru and how our friendship found us in places all over the world. From Chicago, to Los Angeles, to Miami for a 24 hour trip, to New York, to zoom calls, to teaching students poetry, I hold steadfast to our connection that this friendship will always serve as a mirror, a gentle reminder to share our light with the world.
Giving to Understand
The most important moment in my sister’s life happened on Labor Day weekend. I stood by her side and watched her marry the love of her life. It was in that moment of being in service that I understood the importance of sisterhood. During the wedding weekend, I woke up early each morning with a lightness and received her calls with joy. And when I heard the anxiousness in her voice, I quieted her worried mind by always accepting whatever came my way and whatever she threw my way.
I will cherish the intimacy of draping the handmade veil sewn carefully with over a hundred pearls by our mother and watch her adorn herself in white. I was giving her away to the world, a new life, an new chapter uncharted that she alone will discover, redefine and hold dearly. As the fireworks danced in the night sky, I kissed her on her cheek, hugged her tightly, and witnessed the joy twinkle in her eyes.
Sisters are not only bound by blood, they are bound by spirits that will carry us throughout all moments in life. By giving her the gift of being a stable and sturdy tree that she could lean on, cry on, rely on, and see in the crowd when she walked down the aisle will be an example for future generations that giving generously to people you love most exceeds spiritual understanding.
Giving to Evolve
I traveled to New Hampshire in the middle of the night one Monday morning in September to be greeted back to Squam Lake. I first came to Squam with my mother four years ago. While mom and I slept most of the time, we found ourselves in a kayak on the last day in the middle of the lake paddling to let the rays charge our hearts.
This trip to Squam, I was invited to work the retreat and was paired to assist a Baltimore artist. She is known for being an alchemist, a woman of the earth, a woman of practice, a woman of divinity who values the truth of her hands over the lies of the world.
I served her generously, attentively, and carefully. Her poise and grace forced me move slow and with intention. The first day was the hardest. It was unpredictable, tons of curveballs, and many missteps. When my spirit felt a bit too worn and a little incapable of serving, I walked out to the dock, grabbed a chair, took off my sweater, and let my arms fall to my side. I raised my chin and witnessed the sun dance and sprinkle light across my face. When I returned to the class, I witnessed a flow and energy shift in the classroom, the artist gliding across the wooden floor like the looms that call at night. I opened my heart to the gift that the tough things you learn in the midst of newness is the best pathway to evolution.
I am grateful for the teacher, the lake, my mentor and that 3:30am lyft ride and ending my summer on the dock welcoming the sun.
Giving to Love
One Thursday night, we rode with the windows down and the sun roof open hugging the stars. We had tequila in the back seat. We had beers in the cup holders. We held hands the entire twenty-two minute ride to Marietta. I looked to my right and saw peace and excitement fall over my partner’s face. It was his birthday week. I had been planning the week for months. My one wish for him was to welcome in peace, joy and deep belly laughs in this next chapter. A young spirit with an old soul, I just wanted him to know how deeply he was loved. I had surprised him with concert tickets to one of his favorite artists. An artist that secretly finds their way on just about every playlist he's ever made.
Once we parked, we took shots of tequila, filled our solo cups up with beer and decided to chug them on the way in. We were slightly tipsy, in sync, and moved hurriedly into the venue to catch the show.
I adored the way his spirit lit up, the way his body swayed in tandem with every other fan, and the way he sang beautifully to every song at the top of his lungs. It felt like magic the way we hugged and how the concert hall felt like it was filled with just the two of us and no one else. We wanted so badly for it not to be over. And when it ended he said, “this was by far one of the best concerts that I’ve been to.”
The way my heart smiled in that moment and the way his beautiful smile greeted me as we stumbled back to our car. I was reminded that summer is about living like kids, reminding yourself of the child that still lives buried in your bones waiting to come out, waiting to be loved expecting nothing in return.
As much as your spirit gives, don’t be afraid to receive.
I received the sweetest moments of connection, the gift of divine understanding, how newness leads to evolution, and how love restores our inner child that so desperately wants to live and be reminded how to play.
What have you received this summer?
I hope it was more sweet, filled with tender gentle moments that reminded you of who you are and who you will be once the leaves begin to fall to the ground.
Listen: Nate Traveller - 3rd Wheel